Wrapping their hearts in ice

This is an article by Miranda Divine which I ran across at Instapundit. She titled it “The zipless f… has become the norm according to a new book, The End of Sex“. These are the last few paras in an article which is quite a good read:

In a new book, The End of Sex — How Hookup Culture Is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy, Donna Freitas has compiled eight years of research into a revealing exposition of Gen Y life.

“Amid the seemingly endless partying . . . lies a thick layer of melancholy, insecurity and isolation that no one can seem to shake.

College students have perfected an air of bravado about hookup culture though a great many of them wish for a world of romance and dating.”

Among her most striking findings from American college campuses is that 41 per cent of students ‘expressed sadness or even despair about hooking up.’

These students suspected it robbed them of healthy, fulfilling sex lives, positive dating experiences and loving relationships. At its very worst, hooking up made them feel ‘miserable’ and ‘abused’.

Another revealing aspect of Freitas’ book is the extent to which feminist writers claim hook-up culture is ’empowering’ for women, despite evidence of the opposite.

She quotes Hanna Rosin’s book The End of Men which claimed ‘the perfunctory nature of sex in a hookup is essential to support a wider landscape of sexual empowerment among today’s young women’.

Ambivalent sex is useful, according to this theory, because it does not tie a young woman down.

Meantime, The American Psychological Association review: Sexual Hookup Culture shows the disturbing psychological consequences, for both men and women.

They include unwanted sex (mostly alongside alcohol and substance abuse), profound regret and feelings of shame and depression.

Saddest of all is that while most men and women did not expect a romantic relationship as the outcome of a hook-up, fully one third of men and almost half of women ‘ideally wanted’ such an outcome.

Anyone who has much to do with young people will have observed a sadness beneath the polished, perfected surface of Gen Y’s beautiful smiling girls.

As the mother of boys I have had only glimpses of the existential pain of young women.

But it is enough to make my female heart ache for their delicate little hearts, which they are forced to wrap in ice, but which emerge after too much alcohol, bruised and crying sad, unknowing tears.

The zipless f*** is from Erica Jong’s poisonous Fear of Flying which I remember all too well. It has always been the male desire for attachmentless sex but suddenly it was an ideal shared by women! Forty years later this and other books of its kind have left a sad wake of unfulfilled men and women whose effects may take another forty years to undo.

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