OK Malcolm. Paying attention? Here’s the lesson: you are on your own side, you are on the same side as all the other people who sit with you and behind you in Parliament. No self-inflicted wounds. No creating hostages to fortune. No sacking of ministers, or anyone else, until the costs of not doing so are clearly overwhelming. That’s the lesson. Now a working example.

Exhibit A: Jamie Briggs. No doubt a story so terrible that if we heard it all, we would personally take every action to ensure that he was ostracised from decent company and run out of Parliament. At that point, out he goes, but not till that point is reached. Hasty action makes you look like a clown. This is where have now arrived at because of your intemperate actions. Although the heading looks OK – Journalist Samantha Maiden accepts Peter Dutton’s ‘mad witch’ text apology – the first paras in the Malcolm-friendly Oz are a bit of a worry:

Labor has lashed out at Immigration Minister Peter Dutton’s “boorish” and “unbecoming” text after he called a female journalist a “mad f.king witch”, urging Malcolm Turnbull to explain the cabinet minister’s behaviour.

Mr Dutton has come under fire for the text message he accidentally sent to News Corp Australia’s Sunday political editor, Samantha Maiden, over her coverage of fallen junior minister Jamie Briggs’s late-night bar incident with a female public servant in Hong Kong.

Mr Dutton has apologised for calling Maiden a “mad f.king witch” after she reported yesterday that Mr Briggs had sent colleagues a photograph of the diplomat who complained about his behaviour, which ultimately led to his resignation from the frontbench.

Dutton would not have emailed anything had you not created the Jamie Briggs saga. You are not the calming influence you need to be. I know you thought Tony Abbott should have sacked Bronwyn Bishop the moment he had heard about the helicopter ride. Maybe, but who knew then how it would unfold? How’s Tony Burke going, by the way? You remember, it was only last August: Tony Burke: Taxpayers slugged $2.2 million for travel costs including charter flights on VIP jets. Let me just give you a para from the story to help you remember:

The Western Sydney MP — who led the attack on former Speaker Bronwyn Bishop for hiring a charter helicopter for an 80km flight to attend a Liberal fundraiser — is a prolific entitlements seeker.

So Malcolm, if you are going to jump at every shadow, you will be an even bigger disaster than even I had thought you would be. From this moment on, you are in 100% defend-your-ministers mode. If Peter Dutton goes, so will you.